


Enhanced

by twistedchick



Category: Sports Night
Genre: Fluff, Other, Silly, endorphins, inadvertent therapeutic sex toys, inventions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-09
Updated: 2012-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-29 06:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/316967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedchick/pseuds/twistedchick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it is what you think it is.  Sometimes it's more.  (Takes place ten years after the end of Sports Night.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I.C. Inc. That was the label on the packet in the mailbox.

Dana Whittaker Trager picked it up and turned it over, curious. Theoretically it should have gone to Natalie to give to the latest production intern, who would determine whether the press briefing and other materials it contained were worth the time of Sports Night. But it had somehow gotten into her mailbox, possibly because the mail was getting mixed up again. Last week Casey had gotten Kim's mail, including the gifts from hopeful admirers, and his consternation at receiving lacy underwear was entertaining (Kim, who had parlayed her talents into the job of production coordinator for Trager Communications but who still kept a desk at Sports Night, routinely opened the admirers' gifts in public for the sake of amusement, and donated the contents to women's shelters, costume departments and the occasional animal rescue group.)

But that was supposed to have been straightened out.

She opened the flap. The packet included the usual carefully designed folder with the paper press briefing and a data drive (whoever said the office of the future would not include paper never dealt with publicity staffers), and a box about half the size of a box for cross-training shoes, with the logo in red and black of a crowing rooster on a windvane.

Perhaps she and Calvin had stayed up too long last night, talking about Olympics coverage, but Dana couldn't imagine a sporting event that actively used wind vanes, the kind that she used to see on her great-grandfather's barn in Kansas. Wind socks, yes, for aerobatics and glider races and those giant balloons that looked like runaway beachballs with baskets, but not wind vanes.

She walked into her office, dropped her coat and purse on the couch, took a letter opener from her desk and carefully cut the tape closing the box. She opened it, stared at the contents, leaned back against her desk and sighed. Then she picked up the publicity packet, and took the box and the packet with her to the 2 p.m. briefing.

**

When Dan, Casey, Jeremy, Natalie and the rest of the staff filed into the meeting room for the 2 o'clock rundown, they found Dana already there, playing with something in her hands. It looked sort of like a hot dog bun on one end. The other end looked more like a hotdog, or perhaps a mushroom, or something entirely different that she shouldn't have been playing with in the meeting room at 2 p.m. She was rolling it around in her hands, bemused.

"What's that?" Jeremy asked.

Dana skidded the press packet along the table to him with her less occupied hand.

"What d'you think it is?" she asked. "You tell me."

"Well," Jeremy countered, "I could tell you what I think it is but Natalie would hit me."

"Very funny." Natalie took the press packet away from him and hit him with it, then sat down in the chair next to Dana. "You know, Dana, you don't have to come to meetings any more. You have more important things to do. You're in the big office now."

"Not at the moment I don't. Is this thing purple?"

"Yes. It's purple, and slightly sparkly."

Dana squinted at it. "Okay."

Jeremy took the packet back from Natalie, opened it and gave the paperwork a fast read-through. "According to the release, it comes in team colors. Um. Let me rephrase that. It can be made in team colors."

"What is it? Or do I have to say what I think it might be?" Casey asked.

"Well?" Natalie dared Jeremy with her eyes.

"That," Jeremy said, reading from the press release as if he were on the air as a famous news anchor, "is the I.C. Corporation's Ergonometric Endorphin Enhancer. It's described as a therapeutic tool recommended for use by injured athletes, to increase their endorphins and wean them off pain medications."

"Personally," Dan said, "when I'm in pain, I want my pain medications."

"The Enhancer," Jeremy continued, "can be attached to any area of the skin (preferably one with little body hair), and in that location can be employed in order to increase the user's endorphin levels. There are charts and graphs here to show rates of endorphin increase over time and reduction in prescription meds." He held up the page with the charts and graphs so the others could see it.

"There's a lot of concern in professional sports about overuse of prescription painkillers," Natalie said. "I've been thinking we should do a story on it."

"I would agree," Casey said, never taking his eyes off the way Dana was rolling the Enhancer around in her hands, "but I'm not sure that what Dana has is the story."

"Oh, it's the story all right. And actually, Dana, that was being sent to me. I ordered the sample for Sports Night after I went to the demo last week." Natalie held out her hand.

"This was the demo you went to?" Jeremy blinked. "I thought it was about –" He broke off as eyebrows rose around the room. "Never mind."

"Okay. So, how does it work?" Dana asked. She passed the Enhancer to Natalie, her face daring anyone to comment.

"Like this." Natalie rolled up her sleeve and placed the split end of the Enhancer against her bare arm, where it seemed to take hold as if it had grown there. "It attaches easily, as you can see. And then you play with it." She ran a couple of fingers along the length of it, and relaxed visibly. "Endorphins galore."

Casey was starting to get a bit red in the face. He swallowed hard and took a sip of water.

It appeared that Jeremy's glasses were steaming up.

"But how do you get it off again?" Dana asked. "Off the arm. Off the arm. Geez, you guys."

"Like this." Natalie poked a fingernail into it. "Anything that would cause pain or interrupt the flow of endorphins will make it let go." The base of the Enhancer curled up and detached from her arm.

"Ahem." Dan said. "Don't we have a 2 o'clock rundown to do?"

"And we will, Dan, as soon as your executive editor has finished this discussion." Dana sent him a mild glare.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, not at all subserviently. "I'd just like to know what relevance this admittedly interesting object has to our show."

Jeremy coughed. "Actually, it has relevance. Michael's endorsing it."

A simultaneous "WHAT?!" arose from the room.

"Yep. Read it for yourself." Jeremy passed along the release. "Just so you know, it comes in three sizes, for different strengths of endorphin production. That's on this page, with the photos."

"Oh, my, yes, so it does," Casey said. "Small, medium, and oh, my –"

"Right." Dan nodded firmly. "We'll get hold of Michael, talk about the therapeutic aspects of the I.C. Enhancer. I'm sure he'll be willing to give us a sound bite."

"Maybe we can get him on camera, along with his sports therapist--"

"I'm not going there, boys."

"—to demonstrate its use."

"You just had to say that, didn't you, Casey?"

"Natalie, I admire Michael as much as anyone else, but he did try to use us to sell men's cologne, a few years back."

"Point."

"Moving on," Natalie said in a firm tone. "What else do we have?"

A much more routine discussion ensued for the next ten minutes. In the interim, Dana picked up the Enhancer again and resumed playing with it, nodding as people mentioned sports news as if she were paying attention.

"Fine. Good. Get out of here." Natalie stood, the general in charge of the troops. Her expression softened as she looked at Dana. "I'd like my Enhancer back, please, Dana."

Dana surrendered it, though not without a sigh. "I don't suppose you could get another sample for me?"

"Sure, I could."

"In my brother's team colors?"

"Why not?"

"Just one thing," Dan said from the other end of the room. "I'd like to verify the meaning of the acronym I.C. International Carbon? Intentional Chelation?"

"Iron Cock."

"Say what?"

"That's what it says here." Jeremy handed Dan the folder. "See? It's named after the weather vane. It's even an American company."

"You know, there have to be a lot of other uses for the enhancer," Casey said as they left the meeting room to head back toward the bullpen. "I can even think of a few."

"You're talking about the I.C. Endorphin Enhancer?" Kim hadn't been in the meeting but she could still see Dana and Natalie through the glass walls, and the thing in their hands. "They're wonderful. I think every woman should have one." She walked along the hall with them toward the bullpen.

"Because every woman is in nearly constant pain and needs relief from prescription meds?" Dan's respectful tone was the only thing that kept Kim from smacking him right then and there.

"Yes, for some women, one week of the month for others, but that's not why."

"This is already more than I wanted to know," Dan murmured.

"You were never married," Casey reminded him.

"The reason," Kim said, ignoring him, "should be obvious." The words 'even to you' hung in the air unsaid. She paused for them, then said, "Now women can feel what it's like to get a blow job the way men do." As jaws dropped behind her, she went to her desk, picked up the data drive she had been looking for, and went elsewhere on her errand. "And don't go thinking of it as an educational tool, either of you. Women deserve more endorphins."

"I wouldn't dare," Casey muttered, not looking at Dan.

"Casey, I am not going there. See me at my desk, not going there at all."

"Dan, I'm right with you, not going there." He put his head back out the door. "Elliott, get me Michael on the phone, would you?"


	2. a week later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dana is loopy, Dan is concerned, Jeremy is confused and Natalie reschedules.

"Did you notice Dana today?" Dan said quietly to Jeremy.

"Yep. I hesitate to say much, but if I were a coach and she were a player, I'd have her drug-tested. She hasn't been this loopy since --"

"Since she went to see The Lion King."

Jeremy considered. "That was a while ago. Maybe she's due for it?"

"Or since the last time she was pregnant."

Jeremy blinked. "Ah, where's Natalie? I need to consult her --"

"Good plan."

***

"It's -- great! It's wonderful! It's got me so I can't even think!" Dana flopped back on the couch in her office.

"Explains a lot about the guys, some days, doesn't it?" Natalie handed her a mug of coffee and sat down in the club chair, tucking her legs underneath herself.

"It most certainly does." Dana downed half the cup in one long gulp. "This is what they feel like afterward? And they can still function?"

"How long were you using it last night?"

The fingers on Dana's free hand moved as if she were adding numbers on a calculator. "Um. About four hours."

"Think about how long it takes most guys. What you did last night was a lot more than a lost weekend." Natalie shook her head. "Give me your PDA. I'll reschedule all your meetings today."

Dana nodded toward the table, where she'd dropped her purse, without even arguing. "You know, it's given me a lot more respect for those guys."

"I'm sure they'll be glad to hear it." Natalie was busy texting.

"You know the old saying about where men's brains are? Well, mine were in my arm last night, and various other places. I got experimental. It was so much fun."  
Suddenly Dana realized what Natalie was doing. "So, what do you think I should do today? How about my job?" She reached for the PDA, but Natalie held it away from her.

"You're really not in any shape to make decisions, Dana."

"Yes, I am. You're fired!"

"No, I'm not. You would never fire me. We've been working together for too long."

"No, I wouldn't, but you're pushing it. I'm the managing editor, and the head producer; I have important things to do."

Natalie looked up from the PDA. "According to your schedule, you don't have any fires to put out, and there isn't anything here that we couldn't deal with. You've been saying you wanted a spa day; why don't you take one? You haven't had a day off in a while."

"Now, that's a plan." Another unsuccessful reach for the PDA.

"Just a sec -- there." Natalie handed it back. "I've just confirmed a reservation for you at your favorite spa, followed by tickets to that movie you wanted to see and dinner for you and Calvin at that little Italian restaurant you like. And I'll let Calvin know."

"Oh, Calvin knows." Dana blinked slowly. She sipped the rest of the coffee. "He was there. We were … sharing it."

"Oh." Natalie's eyes opened very wide. "Um. I hope you took proper precautions --"

"Of course I did. What do you think I am? I put the Enhancer in the dishwasher last night, just as the instructions suggested. I thought of putting it in the washing machine, but I didn't know if that would throw off the mechanism or something."

"Good." Natalie stood, found Dana's coat, helped Dana into it, handed her PDA back along with her purse, and saw her to the studio door. The two of them talked about Olympic coverage until Dana was in the elevator.

***

Jeremy found Natalie by the craft service table. "Dana's pregnant, isn't she?"

"No, why would you say that?" Natalie put a small chocolate-covered donut on a plate and refilled her coffee. She picked them up and started toward her office, which was where Dana's office used to be now that Dana had moved into Isaac's office. It took effort, some days, not to go back to the bullpen, but this wasn't one of those days.

"She's … loopy."

"Yes. She was up very late with Calvin, discussing Olympic coverage."

"Oh. That's reassuring."

"I'm glad. Anything else?"

"Casey's freaking about lumber sports again."

"You should be used to it by now; he's been doing it ever since you came here."

"We didn't broadcast in 3-D when I came here."

"Point." Natalie nodded acknowledgment. "I'm sure you can deal with him."

"As usual, I can. Just tell me one thing --"

They were at the door to Natalie's office. "What?"

Jeremy lowered his voice to a near-whisper. "Are you going to let me play with it one of these days?"

Natalie's glance at him was quizzical. "But Jeremy, you already have one. Why would you need two? We'll talk about it later."

"Okay."

"Lumber sports. Olympics. By the end of the day, I'd like to see a roundup of available anchors we could send to the Games. And, just for the heck of it, let's ask them what they'd like to cover instead of assigning them."

"You're willing to do that?"

"Sure, why not? We still get to decide, but if there's an area where they have more expertise, it makes no sense to ignore it."

She closed her door.

***

Dan looked up from his computer as Jeremy stopped in the doorway. "So, is Dana pregnant?"

"I don't know. Natalie said Dana and Calvin were up late talking about Olympic coverage and implied that that had tired her out."

"Ah, yes, the old Olympic coverage ploy."

"She also wants me to pull together a list of anchors and their preferences for coverage for the Games."

"Good. I'll take anything but soccer."

"I'll make a note."

"So, do you still think Dana is pregnant?"

"I wouldn't know, honestly, Jeremy. I wasn't there."

***

"Calvin? This is Natalie."

"Dana's fine, isn't she?"

"Oh, she's flying. I've given her the day off."

"Good idea. She can use it. She still works those 110-hour weeks, even though she doesn't need to."

"You and she have reservations at your favorite Italian restaurant tonight at 7."

"Good."

"Just wanted to let you know."

"Okay. Thanks, Natalie."

"Have a good day, Calvin."

**Author's Note:**

> This came out of a dream. I take no responsibility for what the back of my head chooses to show on the inside of my eyelids when I'm asleep.


End file.
